Tv, Emma Roberts, Billie Lourd, Abigail Breslin, Keke Palmer, Taylor Lautner, Jon Stamos, Glen Powell, Power Rankings, Cheri Oteri, Jamie Lee Curtis

"I've Gotta Hand it to You." - Scream Queens S02E03 Power Rankings

And we're back after a two-week hiatus!

That's only partially my fault, by the way. The show was on hiatus last week because of some American holiday or something.

Let me tell you, this week's episode, Handidates, was a doozy.

THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE. BE WARNED. Also, this episode's got a bit of sexy content, so if you're not into that, pass this one by.

Chanel #3 (Billie Lourd), Chanel (Emma Roberts) and Chanel #3 (Abigail Breslin) sit together

We begin where the last episode left off - where the three Chanels are standing around the dead body of Tyler, the Victim of Last Week.

They are interrupted by Dean Munsch, who wants them to hide the body in the swamp, as she can't bear to have her hospital shut down. (She's still dying of Kuru, remember?)

The other guy from last week who had Jumping Frenchman of Maine disease (yes, it's a real thing), wakes up and finds that he's cured. He wanders into the corridor and is brutally killed by the Green Meanie. Oops.

Randy being killed by the Green Meanie

Today's Patient/(Victim) of the Week is Sheila (Cheri Oteri), who has Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder. This is exactly what you think it is. The phrase 'coming and going' has never been quite so apt. This started happening during a yoga class, thus Chanel #3 must try the yoga poses Sheila was doing, while Dr. Cassidy watches. (It's essentially an excuse for sexual tension.)

Long story short, they cure Sheila. Dr. Brock and Chad have more homoerotic fights over Chanel. Chad gets engaged to Chanel. Hestor is released into the care of C.U.R.E as she says she knows who the murderer is.

Chad and Sheila get murdered by the Green Meanie.

Yeah, Chad's dead now.

Or at least they want us to think so.

Personally, I've always subscribed to the age-old mantra when it comes to this show - "If they've got a head, they're not dead." I'm not going to make any bets, but Chad wasn't decapitated, and people have faked being murdered in this show before. He could still be alive. We'll see.

Anyway, onto the Power Rankings!!

1. DR CASSIDY CASCADE

Dr Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner

A late returnee to the rankings, Cassidy has sped straight to the top. I grew very fond of him this week, as he was kind, caring, and just generally a top-notch dude. The chemistry that he and Chanel #3 share is actually apparent, and I couldn't really tell which one of them I'd rather be.

It's a shame that he's dead, though.

Or that he thinks that he's dead.

Cold skin doesn't necessarily mean death, after all. He's certainly walking and talking like the Average Joe. We'll have to see.

2. CHANEL #3 Chanel #3 - Billie Lourd

Up six from last week, Chanel #3's contribution to this episode was actually significant. She helped diagnose the patient, and she was just super adorable overall.

For a person with no feelings, she's definitely got a place in my heart.

Also, the poor girl's never had an orgasm! (Relevant plot point - I swear). The fact that she didn't even know that sex was supposed to be pleasurable for a woman is upsetting and shameful. Someone needs to remedy this immediately.

I'm not saying I'd volunteer - but I'd totally volunteer.

3. CHAD RADWELL

Chad Radwell - Glen Powell

Up three from last week, we have Chad.

Oh dear, possibly-departed Chad. How I enjoyed your dickishness and general blase attitude at times.

What I love about Chad is his absolute idiocy. He is the sheer notion of a 'college frat boy with rich parents', but he's written in such a way that highlights the dumbness of said stereotype.

Plus the constant 'dick-measuring contests' (which generally would be a metaphor, but is actually a thing in this episode (see video below)) he has with Dr. Brock are hilarious.

I hope he's not dead.

4. ZAYDAY WILLIAMS

Zayday Williams - Keke Palmer

Up one from last week, we have Zayday. She is the true emotional heart of this show and the one that we probably should be vouching for.

This week, she discovered a clue to who the Green Meanie is while playing Scrabble. Letter detectives for the win!

I swear, if they kill her off, I'm suing.

5. CHANEL

Chanel Oberlin - Emma Roberts

Back on the charts after a shocking last week, we have Chanel.

Okay, yes, she is a terrible person. I'm not doubting that in any way. She almost gets married to Chad this week, except that he dies before the ceremony.

That's better than the weird awkward 'romance' that she had going on with Dr. Brock last week, though. He's twenty or so years older than her! Yuck.

My favorite part of this week's episode was when she had a speech about how she was going to date who she wanted to date, no matter who wanted to date her. I love it when this show gets self-aware (which is a lot of the time), and actually teaches its audience things. Yes, Chanel is a terrible person, but it's good to remember that she is human too.

6. CHANEL #5

Chanel #5 - Abigail Breslin

Down five from last week, and for good reason, Chanel #5!

Look, I feel sorry for her. Her boyfriend died in last week's episode, and she's been treated badly by everyone else in the hospital since then, even to the point where she had to wear a dog collar and be Chanel's ring-bearer for her wedding.

She's not a character I like, but I do feel bad for her.

7. DR BROCK HOLT

Brock Holt - Jon Stamos

Stuck in the 7th spot for the third week in a row, Doctor Brock hasn't really contributed much this episode. Yes, he swore that he'd look after Chanel after Cha divorced her, and he's a decent doctor overall, but he's still really creepy.

He might be decent looking but he's still a creep. Will he do something worthwhile next week? Only time will tell.

8. HESTER

Hester - Lea Michele

Now, I don't like Hester. She's a murderer and a psychopath from last season. I just think she deserves credit for this week because Lea Michele played her incredibly.

There's a scene in this episode where Hester goes completely mad and it is genuinely quite scary.

Kudos.


Exclusions this time around include Sheila, the Victim of the Week, as she was good but not interesting; Chamberlain Jackson, as he didn't really do much, and Dean Munsch because she was in the episode for 0.5 of a second.

Those are the Power Rankings for this week! Do you agree with my thoughts?

Comment below!

Emma Maguire